Creative Twists for the Young, Gifted and Bipolar

In 2004, we adopted a newborn. Now, at the tender age of 4-1/2, he is talented, funny, musically-inclined...and has bipolar disorder.

After 4 months of relentless searching, I finally found some professionals to listen to me. We have a team of people who are devoted to helping us cope and helping my son move through this maze.

When he is enraged, he throws things...anything. One social worker suggested only "letting" him throw certain things and throw them at a target. The creative twist could be to make soft balls with faces on them; maybe mad or frustrated or calm faces.

Some other issues we're facing:

• Rages -- yep, I mentioned them before, but they are the most stressful. They are ugly and although it's getting a wee bit better, they have lasted as long as 3 hours. Yeah, THREE!
• Independent play -- he has difficulty playing independently. He always wants us to be engaged.
• Patience -- waiting is excruciatingly difficult for him.

Help us heal our fracture. What creative twists do you suggest? What projects might be helpful?

I'll share whatever projects we do. You never know who they might in turn help.

(Photo courtesy of Piez)

Comments

[Enid Shaw]

I know nothing about your son's condition, so unable to offer support on that. Have you got a child's dart set? It comprises a round target, with velcro type darts thrown at it. Was what I thought of when reading about his throwing 'tantrums'.
hope you get plenty of support
take care, Enid

[Klaykisses]

Maybe try a board on the wall and recognize the good behavior. He gets a star for everyday he does not throw a fit. Kids really want to be good no matter what but I know they want attention too. (good or bad) Make it positive. He gets a prize when he gets 2 stars in a row or something. Maybe make it for a certain time period to start with. Maybe an hour or something. Let him see immediate positive reaction from you. Jump up and down, clap your hands, make it huge. It is worth a try. You could also get him a punching bag. Hold it for him and tell him to hit it really hard. Tell him he did good when he hits it hard. Make it a sort of game to see if he can hit it harder and harder each time.

[Pearl Mattenson]

A child therapist we used to use had differnt room soft difffernt moods. There was a soft room wtih light blue clouds painted on the walls and lots of soft pillows; a water room where playing wtih water was okay. Playing with this theme I wonder if having certain areas where it was safe for your son to be that he could even help create would both normalize his relaity and help him develop awareness of when he needed to be in a particular kind of room.

[Becky]

I like the reward board idea. There are all sorts of ways to tweak it to fit his needs.

Punching bag might work. How about a tee bat and ball? It's an activity you can do together. Getting him focused on hitting the ball harder and further is good for mental and physical well being.

L'Tanya is this your post? Or a guest writer? You know I'm just a few down the road if you need a break.

[L'Tanya]

Thanks so much for your suggestions. We're doing variations of some of your ideas already, but we could surely tweak some things.

Pearl, I do love the idea of different rooms. If only we had enough space for that. But I think I could come up with something similar.

Thanks again. Yes, Becky it's me...all me. As soon as I can take a break, I'd love to get together.

[Kelee Katillac]

E-mail me if you would like to talk about it! love, kelee

p.s. would love for you to stop by sometime....

[bitterbetty]

Lot's of kids books suggest having a "waiting bag" (or box) with special favorite items that only come out when it's time to wait somewhere. Playdough, slinky, etch a sketch, books, puzzles or anything that he finds engaging...and is small and light enough to travel.

Downloading stories on to an Ipod might help too. It helped us on long car tripswhen we had books on tape or cd.

[Michelle]

My son had a few of the same symptoms. We discovered many of his mood swings were symptoms of food allergies. He is 23 and soy products still make him irritable. When he was little I had to bake all the bread he ate myself because the bakeries used soy oil. He also had reactions to corn. Try to find product free of both! Even if your son had bipolar disorder, food allergies may exacerbate his symptoms. It might be an idea to check this out. Some allergy tests can be done with a "simple" blood test. Yeah, I know. It isn't SIMPLE on a 2 year old.
Good luck.

[Danielle LaPorte]

Sweet L'Tanya, I have no specific suggestions (other than the cosmic kind - which is to hold the vision of that label dissolving and him emerging into a balanced, thriving young man.) But I just wanted to say: my prayers and love are all for you today.

xoxo
Danielle

[Lianne]

I just read Danielle's tweet about this. So glad to read you have a support team. One thought that occured to me is that you may find Gabor Mate's books on ADD/ADHD helpful as they are often misdiagnosed as BP, and are similar in many respects. He is very insightful: http://www.amazon.com/Scattered-Attention-Deficit-Disorder-Originates/dp/0452279631

[Tricia]

random things:
1. my understanding is that bipolar diagnoses are thrown around pretty liberally these days.

2. i haven't read it, but it looks interesting: http://www.amazon.com/Holding-Time-Martha-G-Welch/dp/B002ECEHZQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1252386497&sr=8-1

3. play therapy? which is to say start acting out some of what enrages him (in a calm moment) w/stuffed animals or play doh creatures and see how he engages with it. i've done this a lot with my kids and it helps them to work things out. the trick is to just get the ball rolling and then follow his lead.

4. soft swords

[Mary Olk]

What a dedicated, loving set of parents you are! One thing that came to mind as I read your post and the other posts -- YOGA for you and for him. With a good teacher, yoga will connect the mind, body and spirit. It is something you can all practice together and it begins with attention to breathing (something that comes quite naturally to all of us!) Hope this provides some inspiration and hope.

[missprint]

I have a ten year old girl that has been quite challenging and while no one has diagnosed her as bi-polar at this point (so far ADD with anxiety) she used to smash her own head on the floor at the age of two until she was five or six; still gets completely enraged - seems to stem from a combination of frustration and anxiety; throws things, hits things (and people), used to bite herself, pull her own hair out in clumps, scratch herself, etc. (remarkably she only behaves this way at home) I initially learned to try to ignore her because if I tried to intervene in any way it seemed to escalate, intensify and stimulate the extreme behaviour. As she has matured at least the head-banging has stopped but she still tantrums and screams and argues relentlessly. Nothing I do calms her down but eventually she will ask for a hug even though she is rigid and walking away. She is very demanding when it comes to being entertained 24/7 but gradually she is learning that that simply isn't possible. It has been a long haul and I have attended various parenting courses and sought counselling for us. We have tried a couple of adhd meds and they made everything worse. The one thing that kind of resonated and gave me something valuable to work with is Dr. Gordon Neufeld's work. http://www.gordonneufeld.com/ It is seriously worth a look and the best advice I can offer although there is no panacea out there when dealing with mental illness. Hang in there and try to focus on the happy moments with your boy.

[LynnH]

Wow. The first thing I thought was how wonderful someone even listened. I lived with a Bipolar person (my diagnosis) who never did get diagnosed through at least age 32.

Another totally different thought is the food allergies. My list of "sensitivities" (I don't stop breathing so some don't call it allergy) is so long I can barely eat anything I did not cook/bake myself. I know that for me, potatoes can bring on depression, crying, despair. I can have other nightshade foods, some can not.

I have heard of children who after drinking milk or eating wheat, would get violent or rageful. This does not mean it is what your child is experiencing, but it may bring hope or a partial help. Sometimes an "Environmental Medicine" doctor will give a different set of food issues than a traditional allergist. I first had an EM who helped with 80% of the food issues, then a regular allergist helped me figure out the rest.

I did not function fully for several years while I was the only one who could really help myself. It was energy, strength, and emotion-influencing. It is a pain when I travel to be so limited, I bring food or find a grocery store. However, I am a new woman at age 50. I've lost 10 years, it seems, in only 2 years of healing. Or that's what my OBGYN nurse told me this month. She couldn't believe it.

Keep plugging. Keep asking. Keep finding new docs when old ones blow you off. And keep believing that the good kid inside can be revealed.

Three hour tantrums? That is excruciating even in print. Wow. Hang in there, what else can I say. Know it would be awful to anyone.

[Wendy Fedan]

I am SHOCKED to find out that Bipolar Disorder can be diagnosed that early in life! My sister wasn't diagnosed until she had a life-threatening episode around age 30. How wonderful that at least you know early enough in your son's life so that you will know how to more properly deal with his problems. This will surely help him!!!!!
Thanks for the heads-up that this can be detected so early in life... it runs in my family, and it's good to know I can look at my kids' behavior right now (age 2 & 4) and determine if this will be a problem in their lives.